Experiencing motherhood is something that may never be understood by anyone until you yourself is placed in the same position. But isn't everyhting that way? You will never understand why one person is a certain way until you've walked a mile in their shoes? I myself have just crossed into adulthood at 18 and still won't be able to completely understand why my mother ticks the way she does.
However, it's taken me all my life to finally come closer to understanding what moms really want for their babies no mater how old you are, be it 5, 10, 18, or 30, your mom will always somehow find a way to treat you like their baby, drive you insane, or just be your mom and love you.
Up until this year alone, with my life becoming a complete chaos, I've never really come to appreciate my mom. I can't really say that I know everything about anything but I do know that I've been through enough. And I don't think I would have made it this far without the help of my mother.I never really got along with my own mother until this year and because a series of unfortunate events had brought us closer together. You know what they say, "Sometimes the worst things can bring out the best." Well I don't really know if they say that but if they do I sure believe it now. A few nights ago I met a woman named, Ana*, a friend of my mom. This article is about our conversation and why I decided to write about the most important women in the world, mothers.
I met Ana at an after party, of a dining event. I was the only 18year old in the room, and really had no one to talk to, so I just sat and smiled in my Spanish styled hot pink with black laced gown. I was growing very bored and uncomfortable when she came over.
She was a very lovely lady, and had so many great things to tell me about my mom. I just smiled and nodded and we began to talk. I noticed right away that she looked tired and it was obvious she worked hard. She asked me about myself you know, basic questions about plans for the future...and after awhile she says,
"I wish my daughter was more like you." I just laughed and asked, "Why?" "Because you're so smart and beautiful, my daughter seems like she hates me, she says she's depressed, and I just feel like I've failed as a mother."
As a daughter, hearing this just wasn't normal, and coming from a situation of forming a very good mother-daughter relationship I just began to comfort her, because she seemed really bothered by the situation.
Her daughter was 14years old and just started high school, she hangs out with other people much older than her, doesn't respect her mother, and she dresses in ways that Ana didn't approve of.
"She writes poems of how terrible her life is, and how depressed she is." Ana told me.
"With her Dad always gone, and me working my job over time, I just can't seem to get along with her." she continued.
By now Ana's eyes were filling with tears of sadness, she told me that she talks to the school counselors. That she comes home very late and doesn't listen to her anymore.
"I don't think that it's wise for you to allow her to speak to the school about your family situations, because in fact it allows your daughter to be turned against you because the counselors will allow Sarah* to speak freely about how she feels about you. In my opinion, if your concern is finding a healthy, firm, relationship with your daughter, you yourself must talk to her. She is your daughter and you will always be her mother." I told her, Ana agrees and expresses how angry she is that the school continues to get involved.
I continue on to say, "Sarah needs to realize that when she is in trouble you will be the one there for her, the one to help her, bail her out, not her friends or the school counselors. As for her depression, she must realize that life isn't so tough, you can't cause feuds against your own mother for caring for your well being. We've all been sad and said life isn't fair. But that's reality life isn't fair and isn't perfect, but who's is? All you can do now Ana, is help her realize that sooner than later. Because life can't be that bad when there is someone worse of than you who's lost a loved one or doesn't even have a home to live in. Be grateful."
Ana nodded and agreed with me, I sensed that she was growing emotionally weaK and told her that she must demand her daughters respect, remind her you will always be her mother. Ana told me she wanted me to meet her daughter and talk to her, I said I would gladly.
"You should be a counselor." she said. I just laughed and gave her a hug. I told her, " You aren't failing as a mother, you've just hit a little bump in the road."
I coudn't express how strongly I was overwhelmed with respect for my mother, and any mother in actuality. I came closer than I ever have to understanding why moms are the way they are and why my mom always told me, "You won't understand till your a mother." So when your mom seems like she's just doing the worst to you for no reason just remember, that she knows more about life than you can begin to imagine, and that she will always love you no matter what.
* names have been changed.