Total results: 19 Pages: 1 [ 1] |
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 ID: 172911 Posts: 248 | Date: 2007-03-05 06:08 don't you think we need a topic for humor? i'm there are lot of funny people
here  so
c'mon share your jokes right here!  let's get started:
An elderly Italian man, who lived on the outskirts of Monte Cassino,
went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:
"Father ... during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door
and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did! You have no
need to confess that."
"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual
favors."
The priest said: "By doing that, you were both in great danger.
However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to
act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are
indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one
more question."
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
Should I tell her the war is over?
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 ID: 179376 Posts: 825 | Date: 2007-03-05 07:02 Is this a bad place for DUMB BLONDE JOKES?
Larry |
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ID: 172911 Posts: 248 | Date: 2007-03-05 07:15 it's good place for anything  but i guess you should read a warning below about offensive posts
etc. |
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ID: 179376 Posts: 825 | Date: 2007-03-05 07:21 Ok.
I will be careful
Larry |
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ID: 179376 Posts: 825 | Date: 2007-03-05 13:37 Stop me if you heard this one.
A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class cabin on a
cross-country flight, and settles herself in for the trip, smiling prettily at
the admiring passengers seated around her. Underway, a flight attendant soon
approaches the blonde and says, "Miss, I'm sorry, but I see that your ticket is
for coach, and you're seated in first class; I'm afraid you'll have to move."
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to
be a model." Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight
attendant. The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely, "I'm
sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you'll have to move back." The
blonde replies, sweetly, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New
York to be a model" --and shows no signs of moving. Frustrated, the senior
attendant informs the captain, and he says he'll deal with the problem. He turns
over flight control, walks to the rear, and observes the blonde seated
comfortably in first class. Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over
and speaks quietly into the blonde's ear. Almost immediately, the blonde gathers
her things, gets up, and moves quickly to the coach compartment. Slightly
amazed, the senior flight attendant asks the captain, "Captain, I'm
impressed...what did you say to her?" The captain grinned slyly and said, "I
just told her that the first class cabin doesn't go to New York."
Larry
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| Date: 2007-03-05 14:19 That was actually pretty good!!!!! LOL A nice clean joke is always appreciated. |
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ID: 179376 Posts: 825 | Date: 2007-03-05 14:32 Thanks,
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 ID: 184820 Posts: 32 | Date: 2007-03-07 11:53 pretty nice joke is always good... |
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 ID: 184694 Posts: 6 | Date: 2007-03-08 05:06 A good laugh; [*Link removed*] is so cute!... wah dun scold me ..just sharing
1) BRAIN TUMOR:
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the
answer is 6!!
3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!
5) Marriage
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.
6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see
any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.
7)DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean crying) the
doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!
8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of
a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
9) Spelling lesson:
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or
two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure! |
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ID: 184820 Posts: 32 | Date: 2007-03-10 08:17 Doctors meeting
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to
leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always
coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to
when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time
right now to hear each other out?"
The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my
patients."
The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to
cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I
want."
The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my
patients to sell them for me."
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no
matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."
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ID: 184820 Posts: 32 | Date: 2007-03-10 08:19 Was it nice? |
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ID: 184820 Posts: 32 | Date: 2007-03-10 08:22 Do u love me or do u not?
Once u told me
But i forgot...
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ID: 184820 Posts: 32 | Date: 2007-03-10 10:55 What is the time?
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important
meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not.
Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital
fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the
time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground,
pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and,
pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the
precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then
swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is
now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."
The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch
accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but
tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no
shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my
watch."
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| Date: 2007-03-11 05:21 Hey this is a good idea for forum Luciana!
try to keep it running as a please!
Oh and hey, is the 2nd world war over then? Nobody told me lol* |
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| Date: 2007-03-11 05:34 Ok a recent true event:
In the UK we have a large multiple retail home furnishing stores group called
B&Q.
Recently whilst driving in york town centre and awaiting the lights to change, a
pedestrian came over to me and asked
'Excuse me but is there a B&Q in york'
To which I quickly answered ' No it's
Y. O. R . K .
but hey keep up the english lessons'
and then wound my window n shot off'
(Well I do get a little frustrated driving in town sometimes lol) |
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ID: 172911 Posts: 248 | Date: 2007-03-20 10:04 here's one more
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. One day they met up
and discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed
reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a
remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12
years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and
verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, the mother sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote
one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to
clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel
any more. I spend most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And
the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have
the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious!" |
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 ID: 179281 Posts: 60 | Date: 2007-03-27 17:07 Hahah funny jokes everyone. |
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ID: 172911 Posts: 248 | Date: 2007-03-28 03:13
i've read a funny one yesterday
if you want to hear an incredible story, send your lover a message "i know
everything. how could you?" |
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| Date: 2007-04-14 12:35 who was considered the greatest lover of all times !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Total results: 19 Pages: 1 [ 1] |
